LordofMoonSpawn

My dreams are simple. Influenced by my longing for you, I see us in it.

Not much is said, not much is done, But in each other's company we find solitude from all that has scarred us.

Your gentle touches, the texture of your hair, your beautiful smile, the voice that breaks into a whisper.

When reality finally slams into my face, bringing with it the dread of an eternity without you, I remember it all in tears.

I would rather not exist in this reality, and so I long for my dreams.

My dreams are simple. In it, we are together.

And that is enough.

I was fighting yet losing many Wars, Intertwining and Suffering underneath deep Scars, Laughing with no joy and no cause, Crying for no purpose, no reason, nor any loss, Apathy spreading its wings around me — like a cloak of darkness — binding me to its chains, Even now when I think about it, I gasp, my muscles convulsing with the memory of blinding pains, But then I see you and it's like watching a dazzeling, brilliant star, It's like watching the clouds disperse, like feeling the warmth of the sun, like watching something that should not be — words will never justify the feelings inside of me. Feeling myself waking, Feeling the chains finally shaking, I don't know how to describe this feeling — something new, something wonderful, something terrible — feeling my skin pealing ... Whether I live or I die, at least I've known this feeling, whether you spurn this or adore this, at least I know that you've read this, whether you curse me or you love me, at least I know that you've seen me.

Originally written back in 2014.

I dream. I dream and I see. I see a sharp object in a hand. I see the hand making thin and shallow lines on a skin. I see the skin seperating, revealing blood. I feel. I feel the skin separating, revealing pain. I feel my heart beating faster. I see. I see the blood dripping. I see it pooling. I see it. I hear. I hear a scream. I hear a terrible scream. I become aware then. I become aware of my scream. My voice. My trembling voice. All the while knowing. Knowing that this is a dream. A dream. I dream. I know. I dream, and so, I know. Yet. Yet, what do I know? For when I awaken. For if I awaken, I know this won't have happened. I know this. Yet, I remember. I remember knowing things before they were taken. I know I remember. Yet, what good are memories if they are lies? Does one jugde ones worth trough other means, and not through memories? For are we not on the basic of levels beings with desires and with flawes and of memories? Memories. Oh, memories. The self righteous will laugh at this. They will laugh their cruel laughs and speak ill of those unlike them. But then I wonder. I wonder whether they really are the self righteous ones, and if its not the opposite. Even if I were to somehow awaken. Awaken with the knowledge that what has come to pass, has had a meaning for the greater parts of the unknown, I think I would be unhappy with the answer. For even if the answer was something I was driven to search all my life, I think it would've been over shadowed by the fact that the present was something of a dismal utopian nightmare. A nightmare. Yes. Not a dream. But a nightmare. Even if a single cause was greater than all other causes combined, the present would've outweighted my feelings and desires and my decisions. To live or to die? The answer, as always, aflux. I feel. I see. And I know.

When you see someone for the first time and you feel yourself falling for the person already without even knowing anything about her? It's called love.

I'm not going to be pretentious and talk about this subject. No, there are a plethora of articles and books available online. What I'm going to put into words is what I feel.

I came across her profile, as is bound to happen in the 21th century. The first picture I saw of her, made something tingle inside my heart. And before I knew it, I was looking through her profile, and reading her bio and other information she had shared.

I don't know whether we have soulmates, but that's the closest to I can come to describe the feelings I have for her. It isn't just physical attraction, nor is it purely intellectual or even emotional.

But obviously you can't just begin by confessing your feelings for someone you don't even know. That's a sure-fire way of getting blocked, imo.

No.

We began chatting with each other, and we hit it off pretty instantaneously. Video calls, voice notes, audio calls, and we even met up for a date.

But you see, all the while she was dealing with a heartbreak. Something so intense, that she never really got a chance to examine whether she felt anything for me or not. At least, that is how I see it.

She tried explaining herself to me, but the problem I was dealing with now, since we'd already had had contact, day and night for more than a month at this point, was that I'd already been dreaming about a future with her.

Now, when you psychoanalyze the emotions I'm presenting, you'll find yourself wondering whether it really had to do with my feelings toward her, or whether it has to do with loneliness and other psychological issues I may have. And I will not deny that it may be that I am lonely, but that's beside the point really. Having a background in psychology gives you certain insights into the human psyche, and while no one can claim to being objective when dealing with their own emotions, I am a 100% certain of everything I am feeling.

Therefore, I am currently going through a very difficult period. I don't know how to deal with some of the emotions. I mean, yeah I know HOW but I can't seem to be able to apply any of my knowledge here.

It will take some time, obviously. I know.

But I feel like I don't even care about anything anymore. Everything I was passionate about previously, seems like nonsense now.

Everytime I think about a future without her, I feel like I want to give up. And at the same time, I also feel rage. Rage that someone else will be beside her. Someone else will have the opportunity to share a life with her.

And this rage is so all consuming at the moment that it's turning into apathy. And it seems that apathy's wings are closing around me again.

Took 6 years for it to rear its head again, but here it is.

Rejoice!

Is “Rejoice, a Knife to the Heart” just wishful thinking? Or is it a harsh wake up call for the rest of us. Is it a call to arms? Or is it a call to our innate compassion?

An alien civilization dismantles every known human concept. There are no borders.

Much as Draconus had etched in that stone in Forge of Darkness, the aliens hammer into everything: There Will Be Peace.

Humans have to re-evaluate everything they believed in. No longer the custodians of the Earth. No longer able to express their emotions in the form of violence. No longer ... free. Emasculation in all but name.

Erikson is the god of storytelling, and with his latest science fiction novel he proves that his talent knows no bounds.

The question now isn't whether people will be offended by any of it; they will be. Nor is it whether any of what he wrote is plausible; it is.

The question is whether we will learn anything from it.

And I think the answer is a forgone conclusion already: no.

Alter Bridge's The Last Hero is appropriate to quote here.

“Can you hear the marching, beating of the drums? Once again the dogs are out for blood Words and accusations, history revised But time is gonna tell that you were right

Oh how you tried I know that you tried To save us

Save us”

#SteinsGate

I will watch anything that interests me. Period. In other words, even if I'v read a bunch of reviews bashing something to death, it still doesn't influence me enough for me to either like or dislike the said thing. That's just the way I've been brought up. This single line can give more insight into what I mean than me blabbering on about this.

“If you do not know anything about the subject, you cannot have an opinion about it”.

That was spoken to me by my teacher — back when I was 11 or 12, and when he was younger and could still teach me about different worldviews and how all of it would someday make sense, if I just kept learning.

On a side note, thinking back on it, he was clearly right, since at the moment I do have a better sense of why sometimes there are so many different views regarding the same subject.

But I digress.

Steins;Gate is if nothing else, an emotionally charged anime. More so than some of the anime's trying for emotions.

to be continued.........

#A dedication to Tavore Paran.

---

“We followed her through this journey, The journey through the shadows of the Fallen Heroes, Ignorant of all that besieged her, Doubting her with every step, Not even knowing the sacrifices she made for us.

She kept silent the whole way through, Even when her heart was broken, And her trust was shattered, And even when all hope seemed lost.

Compassion for the Fallen One, Was something none of us imagined, None of us felt, Yet what seemed impossible, All of us witnessed.

She asked us nothing, She told us nothing, But follow her we did, As if chained to her wake, Against our will.

What is it to feel love for something or someone other then oneself? The ultimate question that we needed to ask, Was never the question that we did ask.

We kept laughing at everything, Yet why did the ache never lessen? We kept moving forward, Yet why did the tears never stop flowing?

Now that we know all of this, How will we be judged? Will we be remembered? Or will we remain unwitnessed?

The Book of the Fallen, Most pages filled with lies, With memories filled with dust, Our cause made to seem so just, For even if they tell and retell this story as we bared witness, The heart of the story, The truth of the story, The one that kept us chained to her, Will go unwitnessed. Will go unknown. Will be forgotten.

Just as everything in history deemed unworthy is forgotten, Just as we are forgotten...”

A Dedication to Tavore Paran of the Bonehunters, by Naushaad Gasieta

Edaar.

The light has faded, but the darkness hasn't come yet. The wind has slowed .....

Why we need Steve Rogers Now more than ever...

---

I feel like Thanos embodies a very large part of the argument we make regarding everything that is going wrong with the world — over population, climate change, excessive use of resources without “giving back”.

Some may share his ideology, while a majority will condemn it. That isn't to say that people do not agree with him though. We agree, we just aren't all sociopaths who could allow something like this to happen.

Mass extermination or, as Thanos labels it, Balancing the Universe, isn't an argument for human slaughter. Though without any doubt, the way Thanos handles it, it does come down to just that. But no, the idea itself isn't inherently wrong or evil.

Yet, somehow, if the stakes really were that high, we would come to the same conclusion. All of us.

Well, except for Steve Rogers that is.

Having been a huge comic books fan, I have known Steve Rogers for almost two decades now. If I were to oversimplify...

(to be continued)

#Avengers #InfinityWar #Thanos #SteveRogers

The mighty figure standing tall, with his back against me. His cloak whipping to and fro in slow motion behind him. His arms outstretched as if to embrace everything. Standing tall against the onslaught.

The last shield. The last protector.

The Last Hero.

My hand outstretched before me, as if to reach him. If only I could reach him.

But somehow, I never can.